there's a different girl behind those green eyes.

Last night i heard my mother crying and crying. me and my mother don’t have a stable relationship so i was to uncomfortable to ask her if she was alright. she was laying in her bed starring at the wall when i walked in. i finally had the guts to ask her if she was alright. she simply replied ”i’m cutting my wrists, leave me alone”. i walked out.. and waited. all i heard was her crying and screaming “why can’t i be happy”…

now i know that me and my mom have the same feelings. but we just can’t share them together.

and after i saw the look on her face when i walked in to say goodnight.. i try to hold back the tears.. i thought i was going to wake up to find my mother dead.. i was scared for her. i couldn’t say this to anyone else but tumblr. even though everyone is going to read it. it doesn’t even matter. as long as i get it all out of my head.

Claudia has been gone since monday.. i miss her. i never thought she would die so young.. there’s nothing more i’m going to say…  

<3

that boy is my life. and he knows it. just thought tumblr should know this too. i feel like a totally different person when i’m talking to him. i miss byrd. end of story. k bye.

Never ever ever think your to good for anyone. cause your not. just because your so “pure” doesn’t mean you judge other people. you will have your times where you will make your mistakes, you may not think about it now, but your still a teenager. so grow up and quit thinking your jesus and the queen. YOU THINK YOUR THE BEST THING EVER BUT YOUR NOOOOOOOT. YOUR FAT AND UGLY. suck on that one. honestly your trash :) k thanks

i cut myself once and i realized how retarded it was..sorry it’s just dumb. scares are disgusting the blood is gross. you could die if you werent paying attention. i mean whats the point?

Day 6- A stranger.

So there was this black man in ihop this morning. just starring and laughing at every little thing me and my bestfriends did. as we whipped our hair and sang very loud the man began to make it obvious he was laughing at us. ;)

Day 7- An ex lover.

Dakota Van Alstyne. Well when i was in the eighth grade i fell head over heals for that boy. we shared so much. i never thought i would love someone so much. i did alot for him. i tried to impress him in every way possible. to find that he didn’t like me. i felt like i could be myself around him and for him to like me the way i was until all the girl noticed we were a thing. at that point girls were so mean. my mind was blowen with things my mom had said about my weight. Dakota helped me realize that people can say what they want and you need to ignore them.. maybe that’s why i’m so strong now. dakota will always be in my  heart. like he said “i will be his number one girl”. he knows me like the back of his hand. have a nice life dakota.

Day 3 — Your parents;

my parents are not together, my dad isn’t in my life at all. My mom yall all know about her, she’s the biggest bitch you’ll ever meet. 

Day 4 — Your sibling;

My brother is a faggot. i hate him. all he does is sit on his butt and black ops all day. yeah to cool. he likes to hit me cause he thinks he’s SO cool. yeah right dude. your 11.

Day 5 — Your dreams;

My dreams are consisted of things that i desire, or what i want to happen. There are mostly positive and enjoy able. i have my nightmares. and they are mostly about me dying, shows how is happens and those dreams are graphic. i have series of dreams. the same dream could go on for days and more and more detail would be added the next night.

Ha, let’s not.

well my crush is jared backofen! <3 i love him dearly. i know that i should always change for me but i’m not strong enough to do that. he said to one day, that he would help we in every way possible to be the old peyton. i miss being the innocent peyton sykes. i really do. well there yah go, there’s my “crush” ;)